Small Wonders

End of an Era

2009-05-07T12:57:00.000-07:00

Mother's Day is coming. I am reminiscing. Last year at this time I was full of agitation. Would we EVER get our referral?

It was last year, the day after Mother's Day we finally got the call. Two months later we were on that plane to China. So this Mother's Day is a whole new feeling. One of peace, joy, and excitement as we anticipate the next era for our family. Sunder has been home for 10 months and we are totally settled as a family of four. Life is moving on.

It was my intention to have this blog for our referral, trip, and a few months back home. Now that we are looking ahead I've decided this will be my last entry on this blog. It is time. Thank you for all the wonderful comments and new and old friends. Those blogs that I follow, I will continue to do so. As for me, some exciting things are in the works. Besides the girls I'm focusing on my business. Besides editing family documentaries and adoption movies, I continue pursuing my dream of making a feature-length documentary. I know it will happen when the time is right.

I will be blogging for my business now at www.ockhammedia.com. Also, if you have video and photos from your adoption trip, I invite you to visit my website for adoptive families at www.redthreadstories.com. Turn those video memories into a beautiful DVD! You can also find me on FaceBook and Twitter (under ockhammedia). Thank you for sharing this important piece of our life with us. For those still waiting... keep the faith. I will never forget the wait and the pain of it. Hold on tight and know that it will end someday.

Material Girl

2009-04-24T08:17:00.000-07:00

When it comes to school theme days I'm a humbug. Who has time for such things? But I confess when Riley's school announced 80's day I was super excited. I actually put some thought into it and dare I say... went all out! My first thought was for Riley to dress like her mommy used to back in those days. That would require ripped jeans and a Metallica T-shirt. (Yes, I was one of those) But I had parted with those t-shirts years ago. So I opted for the Madonna look instead, which she already had stuff in her dress-up box.

While I was helping her get ready she kept saying, "I look so old-fashioned!" Great. I explained to her that it was only 20 years ago, not THAT long. She said, "Yeah, but you didn't even have cell phones then. It's soooo old fashioned." Who was I trying to convince, her or me?

Baboon!

2009-04-09T12:19:00.000-07:00

The other day Sunder dashes up to me saying, "Baboon! Baboon!"

"What? Where?" (me looking around stupidly, as if we'll see one of these creatures in our home)
This persists for a few minutes and I finally admit defeat. I have no clue what she is talking about. Finally I get enough sense to hold out my hand and say, "Show me."

Sunder happily but urgently leads me into the bathroom and points at the toilet. I stare blankly for a good 20 seconds. Baboon? Finally I get it. Bathroom! She is saying "bathroom"! Not only than, but she is telling me she needs to go. Hooray! Oh how I love baboons!!

You Just Never Know

2009-03-30T13:42:00.001-07:00

(with our wonderful Guangxi guide in China and our new baby in 2004)

We recently found out our guide from our first adoption trip in 2004 has passed away. It was sudden. A cerebral hemorrhage. He was young. I would guess late 30's/early 40's. Things like this always make you do a double-take on your own life. So, time for a little gratitude and reflecting on all the daily blessings we get to experience in this life.

(Reunited 2 1/2 years later at our agency's reunion celebration in 2006)

In loving memory or our wonderful guide, Michael. Thank you for getting our baby medical care when she needed it those first few days and thank you for teaching us to sing the Chinese song about two tigers... I still remember the words.

Deep Discussions

2009-03-16T05:26:00.000-07:00

Previously my daughter couldn't care less about being adopted. She had no interest in "china mom". When the opportunity presented itself I would see if she wanted to talk about it. Her answer was usually something like, "What's for dinner?" But then....she turned 6. Everything changed.

Riley has been 6 for less than 2 months. In that time a new side of her emerged. One night I came into her room to find her sobbing in her bed. "I miss my China mom." She explained. "I want to go home now. I don't belong here." Boy, I was so not prepared for this sudden turn of events. The conversation lasted a long time. "Why did she not choose me?" my daughter asked. I realized that she had been processing this in her mind for a long time. It was just now finally coming to the surface. I did my best to comfort her and tell her it's ok to feel sad. My heart was breaking too. What was previously a happy confident child, I know see a broken spirit. One who understands quite well what happened to her and can't make sense of it. How can we make sense of adoption when its foundation rests on such a tragic event?

We've had several tough conversations since then. Before age 6 Riley had zero interest in art. I could never get her to hold a crayon or paintbrush. But lately art is all she wants to do. I give her paints and put on some relaxing music. She paints pictures from China. Her China mom. Us coming to get her. She paints this over and over again. I realize she is using art as therapy and it is helping her process things. So her journey continues.

It is fascinating to see her mind at work. She seems to realize the tragedy and the beauty of her situation now. Yesterday in the car and totally out of the blue she said, "Mom, I'm glad I'm adopted."

First Weird Comment

2009-02-20T07:28:00.000-08:00

I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later. But after being an adoptive parent for over 5 years and never having anything like this happen, I thought I was immune. But a few days ago it happened.

I was with the girls at a store. We were at the checkout counter. The lady there looked at me, then looked at the girls and asked rather bluntly, "Are they adopted or are they your daughters?" It took me a moment to register her comment. I gave her a confused look and said, "ummmm...both." The lady seemed a little embarrassed after that and we went on our merry way. Still it did catch me off guard. You never know when this sort of weirdness will suddenly spring itself upon you.

Sunder's Movie

2009-01-28T11:17:00.000-08:00

Here are parts 1 and 2 of Sunder's adoption movie. This is what I do for a living. I absolutley love working with adoptive families to create a beautiful memento of their adoption journey. I never tire of seeing the video footage of families being united. I hope you enjoy it!

ADD update and 6 months with Sunder

2009-01-26T11:49:00.000-08:00

I want to thank everyone for their outpouring of support for the whole ADD situation. I spoke with our family therapist who specializes in adoptive families. After her expert opinion and the knowledge of our own child we are doing what we believe is right. We are NOT having her tested. In fact I think what she is suffering from is occasional boredom in the classroom! She is currently interested in Egyptian history. I got her a few books from the library and wouldn't you know it? She will sit down with those books, totally entranced, not moving a muscle for OVER AN HOUR! Even I can't do that! This child does not have ADD, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!

Sunder has been with us for 6 months! Unbelievable. She is starting to put 2 words together and try to make conversation, which is super cute. 6 months was a landmark for her because she has now been with us longer than she was with her foster family. So I think by now she really knows we are her family forever. She still doesn't do well with kids her age. I think she feels threatened by them still after her months in the orphanage and needing to defend herself. She acts out, hits and says "NOOOO!!" to any kid her size within a 20 foot radius.

I am anxious to share with you some of Sunder's adoption movie which I finished last month. But my computer is currently undergoing an upgrade so I'm not quite able to get it posted here. But stay tuned!

The Kindergarten Establishment

2009-01-13T07:42:00.001-08:00

I figured it would happen sooner or later. But I didn't figure it would happen this soon. But, sigh, here we are barely half way through the kindergarten year and already I am butting heads with the public school system.

It is now "strongly recommended" by her school that we go through a formal process to have Riley tested for ADD. Do you want to hear my thoughts on ADD? Do you really want to get me started on yet another made-up condition by the pharmaceutical companies to pump our kids up with their drugs? Or how I can longer purchase a night-time cough suppressant for my miserable child, but apparently I could easily get her a prescription for Ritalin?

Oh, but wait, I was told by my daughter's school, the end result doesn't have to be drugs. Well, thank goodness that makes me feel so much better. Rather I am told that if she can be "formally" diagnosed with ADD that she will receive spacial treatment, especially in regards to the CSAP tests. She can take the tests in a quiet room and not be timed. Am I mistaken, or is the purpose of the CSAPs to judge how a school in performing academically? What about the fact that my daughter will wonder why she is being treated differently and wondering what is wrong with her?

I am sure some kids really do have this condition. But I think there is a whole group of kids that are just really active and physical. Yes, my child has problems sitting still. Yes, she can be ultra-sensitive. Should she receive special treatment and a label because of it? Mind you, this is the same kindergarten class that just played BINGO and was told by the teacher that "everyone is a winner".

I am just starting to see what I am really up against and frankly, I am very concerned.

5 Years Ago...

2009-01-04T17:54:00.000-08:00

This scrawny scared baby was placed in our arms.

Here she is today.Hard to believe it's been half a decade. It's been a great 5 years with this beautiful girl!

"But what do you eat?"

2008-12-29T12:44:00.000-08:00

Sorry to those who read this blog as a resource for adoption. My posts have been wandering off to new areas of my life, sorry about that :) But, I've gotten a lot of questions about going dairy and gluten free. Mostly, what on earth does one eat?

I hated cooking before. Now I consider it a hobby! I am sooo excited to get in the kitchen each evening and create that night's dish. The reason being is that the results are just fabulous! And healthy too! Who would have thought that was possible?

Besides referring to my local health food store for basic stuff, there are three main resources I use in planning my weekly menu. Here they are:

Gary Null's Power Foods (cookbook)
Vegan Planet Cookbook
Karina's Kitchen (blog)

The blog is especially helpful for those new to the GF journey. She has some great posts about how to substitute flour, sugar and dairy. Her recipes are so delicious and her writing style is personable and fun.

Ok, enough on that. You want adoption news? Well, gosh darnit, guess what? Riley is on Christmas break and the kids are at each others throats most of the time again. I am realizing that they have no clue how to play together. Sunder takes stuff from Riley which makes her mad, then Sunder yells and scratches to defend herself, then Riley responds by picking on Sunder. So my new thing is to sit down with both of them in a neutral place and guide them on how to play together. We'll see if it helps otherwise summer break is gonna be a real drag!!!

Christmas Shopping with a Kindergartener

2008-12-23T11:56:00.000-08:00

Riley and I recently went to the bookstore to get a gift for daddy. Here's how it went...

Riley (grabbing random book from shelf): Here, how about this one?
Me: Daddy doesn't read romance novels.
Riley (30 seconds later with another random book): How about this one?
Me: You can't just grab any old book. When you're buying a gift for someone you want to really think about that person and get them something special. Something they will like.
Riley: (30 seconds later with another random book) I think he'll like this one. Can we go now?

So much for instilling the Christmas spirit into my dear child.

Living Without Pain

2008-12-14T05:20:00.000-08:00

Have you noticed since being home with Sunder I update the blog less and less?! Hmmm.

Anyway this post is a little different in that I want to follow up on this gluten-free/dairy-free adventure that I am on. I have been studying health and diets a ton lately and I'm starting to believe that many of our ailments are unknowingly self-induced by the foods we eat.

For years I have suffered from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and a chronic cough. At one point my cough specialist had me on 4 different drugs (at the same time). I figured it's just the way I am and the best I could do is manage the symptoms. Then I heard about food allergies. Now when we think of food allergies we think of dramatic external responses like rashes or hives. But I've learned that many people have "intolerances" to certain foods in which the reaction can manifest itself in any number of ways from chronic fatigue to migraines. I was told that wheat and dairy are typical culprits. I had nothing to loose so I cut both of those things out of my diet cold turkey. The results were phenomenal. My energy level skyrocketed. And I started smelling all these new things I never noticed before when my nose was stuffed from all the mucous caused by dairy.

So then we decided to take the test a step further. To our oldest daughter. She has suffered from chronic constipation since we got her in China. We tried several different medicines to no avail. We tried forcing her to drink prune juice and high fiber cereals. Nothing. We took her off WHEAT and GLUTEN and within 48 hours HER SYMPTOMS TOTALLY DISAPPEARED. I am not making this up. And I wanted to share this becasue I am certain there are others out there who are compromising the quality of their life due to chronic pain and health issues. If you are, I stongly urge you to really look at what's going into your body. Don't settle for a mediocre life. Experiment with your diet. Keep a food journal and notice what is going on inside after eating.

I am not a medical expert, I'm sure there are many many instances where this won't help a person, but I know what has happened for us these last 2 months and it's nothing short of a miracle.

I also want to mention that it's not like I am suddenly cured of everything. I still have the nasty cough and some other things that I am working through with a Homeopathic Practicioner. But for the first time in my life I have HOPE and I have seen dramatic results so far. Here's to your health!!!!

We've Turned the Corner

2008-11-23T20:38:00.000-08:00

The true Riley has finally re-emerged!! Yes, it's true. For the last several weeks she has been like a new girl. She seems to have finally accepted our new family.

When we got Sunder the first three months with Riley were so difficult. She was filled with anger which she took out on me day after day. She seems to be done with this now. In fact she has been so lovey and full of snuggles. She is happy and above all she is sometimes tolerant of her sister. It seems as time passes Riley is more willing to play with Sunder. Recently they've had some great times together. Of course they will be bickering 20 seconds later, but who's keeping track? My little girl is back!! Things at our house are good. Very good and Thanksgiving will be especially special for us this year.

Here's some recent pics:

Help! What to do about Food?!

2008-11-13T05:26:00.000-08:00

So I am on this new wheat free-dairy free diet. It has revolutionized the way I feel. However, my kids aren't thrilled about my new health kick. They will hold off on my love-filled lunches and dinners and wait until breakfast or snacktime to fill themselves with less ideal foods. On top of this, my husband is allergic to red meat and hates any other kind of meat except fish. Meanwhile, meat has become more of a staple for me since I no longer do conventional pastas or cheeses.

I now feel like I have to make 3 or 4 different dinners everyday if everyone is to be happy and get a balanced meal. WHAT SHOULD I DO? Dear Bloggers, how do you handle food issues in your home? Please help me!! I am willing to reveal my secret method of "how to keep a mostly clean house" to anyone who can offer me a breakthrough.

By the way, cutting gluten and dairy from my life is perhaps the best thing I have ever done for myself. I feel like a new person and my former chronic conditions seem to be totally gone.

Gotcha Day Revisited

2008-11-05T07:03:00.000-08:00

I'm creating Sunder's adoption movie this week. It's been over 3 months since that hot muggy day in China when this toddler was placed in my arms. This moment was such a blur to me. I am so thankful for video! Seeing this footage for the first time is surreal. I didn't realize that she actually reached out to me when I held my arms out to her. One thing the video does NOT convey is the emotions we were feeling. We look much calmer than we really were! And oh... the look in Sunder's eyes. So confused and wondering "what the heck is going on". She was such a trooper that day and every day since.

Big Sister Update

2008-10-31T04:31:00.000-07:00

Riley spent the last three months being angry and hostile towards me. She was not having this whole little-sister thing, and I was the brunt of her anger. But the last several days she has been like a whole new person. She's been really affectionate with me, wanting to snuggle and hug all the time. She wants to hang out with me even! I think we're starting to see our little girl coming back and what a relief it is. I must admit I'm happy she is liking me again :)

However, both girls continue to generally dislike sisterhood. On rare occasions they will enjoy each other. Sometimes I see a glimmer of compassion from Riley. Sometimes Sunder thinks big sister is neat. But mostly...NOT. I have reconciled that at this time they prefer to be kept apart and I'm now ok with that. Riley eats breakfast in the dinning room. Sunder eats in the kitchen. They are both much happier at breakfast time now. At other times throughout the day one is sent off for "alone time" while the other gets mommy-time. I hope it's not like this forever, but we're meeting the girls where they're at and working with it.

On an unrelated note:
I'm starting Sunder's adoption video today! I'm am so excited. Here are the songs we've chosen-
Imogen Heap- "Hide and Seek"
U2- "Sometimes you can't make it on your own"
Rob Thomas- These Small Hours (Little Wonders)
This last song is the one which I named the blog after!

The Busyness Blues

2008-10-23T12:16:00.000-07:00

I was walking my daughter to school and our little one, age two, wanted to look at every single autumn leaf on the ground. At first it was kinda cute but I quickly became impatient. I scooped her up and half-jokingly said, "Come on! We don't have time to enjoy ourselves!" Another walking family overheard me and nodded sadly in agreement. This has really been eating at me lately.

I wake up and before I can realize what's happening the day is over. At night my head hits the pillow and 30 seconds later it's time to wake up. Then the whole process repeats itself endlessly and forms this pattern I call "my life." And while I love it, I feel a bit miffed that it is passing me by without my permission. I like to have time to reflect on my day. Or time to just hang out with friends and family, yet... who has time for such activities? And every single person I know has the same predicament. Yes, EVERY SINGLE PERSON I KNOW IS TOO BUSY.

Last night I woke up at 3am. I couldn't go back to sleep. In my earlier days this would have annoyed me. But last night I was so happy to be awake. I spent a whole hour in my bed with my random thoughts. It feels like months since I've done that and it was heaven.

So here's my question, is this an American thing, this unrelenting busyness? Or is it a human condition? Do we really WANT to live like this or do we have no say in how we spend our days? I feel like I have to work so hard just to maintain the status quo. I've thought about "what can I cut out of my life" but really, to stop doing the dishes, laundry, or grocery shopping is just an unrealistic idea. What do you think? How can we get our lives back? Can we?

Recent Pics

2008-10-19T06:23:00.001-07:00

Another ice cream lover in the family.

Fake but cute smile.
Helping hand.

At the pumpkin garden!

Washing the pumpkins

and it's only Thursday

2008-10-16T05:37:00.001-07:00

I always construct the most elaborate blog posts in my head. But time is precious so they usually don't get beyond the walls of my brain. I had all planned a brilliant post about busyness and how we as a culture are much too busy. But alas, it's only Thursday and already we've had a few pints of chaos in our week.

Monday morning I'm at a store when I suddenly hear Sunder scream shrilly. I turn to see her fingers are stuck in the hinge side of the door. We had to leave the store immediately and it took the rest of the morning to calm her. You could see the imprint of the door on her little fingers and they were swollen. Ugh! Then yesterday our upstairs toilet flooded. It leaked through and flooded our basement. I don't want to think about how much water damage is done. Several hours later the ceiling in our basement caved and a ton more water that had been accumulating came bursting through. Hoping the remainder of the week is a bit calmer. But needless to say, my post on busyness and too much chaos in our lives will just have to wait.

By the way, Sunder's hand is still tender, but doing much better.

Circus Circus

2008-10-09T12:26:00.000-07:00

When we got back from China, Corin and I started a new tradition with our oldest daughter, Riley. Once a week one of us takes her out for something special- some special one on one time. Then the next week it's the other parent's turn. This has been great fun for us and I always love planning our next mommy-daughter time and look forward to it with anticipation. Riley loves it too. When our younger daughter gets older the parent staying with her will do something special with her as well.

This week it was my turn to do something special with Riley so we went to the circus! I think I was more excited than she was! I have never been to a real circus.I know I have been so deprived! We both had a great time. Riley liked the music and I found the motorcycle cage to be one the most amazing and scary things I've ever witnessed. They had about 10 motorcycles in this tiny cage going around and in and out of each other.
Now what to do next time? I'm thinking of creating a treasure hunt. But for now I know she has a special night with daddy at Chuck E Cheese coming up and that's always a sure bet for lots of fun!

New Doo and Learning to Read

2008-10-04T20:12:00.000-07:00

Sunder had her first hair cut this week. She was fascinated with the chunks of hair falling to the ground. Of course she wanted to play with it! She is no longer shaggy and looks so cute. She also looks more like a toddler now and less like a baby. Since the Giardia left she has gained over 2 pounds. She still has a big appetite, but not near as much as when we first got home. She is really picking up English now and she wants to at least try to mimic our words. We've been asking her to "use your words" and she will usually make an attempt instead of whining. Also this week she is starting to show an interest in books. When she first came home she didn't seem familiar with books and thought they were some sort of Frisbee and she would chuck them across the room. But this week she likes to sit in our laps and look at the pictures. Very exciting for a family full of avid book-lovers! It has been amazing to see the growth in her relationship with Corin. She adores him now. When he comes home from work she greets him with a hug and she loves to come down to his office with him and hang out while he checks email. I feel their relationship went to a deeper level this week.

Riley is doing great with kindergarten. She is really catching on with her reading now. It is so fun and amazing to witness her learning. Her writing is also improving so much. Last year at this time she could barely hold a pencil. And while her teacher and I still have some concern with her fine motor skills, she has gotten so much stronger in this area. She continues to struggle with the big change in our family. But we are getting the proper help that will enable us to help her through this transition. So I feel a lot of hope that things will get better for her soon. I will never forget when we met her in China. She was sick so we took her to a Chinese doctor. He said, "This child has a strong spirit." At the time I couldn't believe what he said as this limp unresponsive baby sat in my lap. Now I know he was right!

3 Common Misconceptions by Me and Other Adoptive Families

2008-09-30T08:15:00.000-07:00

Since being and adoptive parent for nearly 5 years, I’ve learned a lot about adopted children. There were things we experienced with our first daughter but we were so clueless back then. Brining in a second child has brought on a whole new wave of issues for our oldest. So we are revisiting a lot of things with her right now. We also have a basis of comparison that we didn’t have before- two girls with completely different back-grounds. And we just know a lot more now. What follows are some very common things I often hear adoptive parents say. I used to subscribe to 2 of the 3 statements, myself. But I now think differently.

1. My child is from one of the “good” orphanages.
Totally guilty on saying this one. We got to tour the orphanage of our first daughter. But as is common with these visits, we weren’t allowed to see the baby rooms. The grounds sure were nice though. And the fact that there were only 50 babies in this orphanage made us happy that the nanny/child ratio must be pretty good. Did I mention we didn’t get to see the baby rooms? Hmmmm, why do you suppose that is? The nanny/child ratio may be better than other places, but it is still an institution and it is most likely run like an assembly line. Our first daughter was malnourished when we got her and both our girls were quite sick upon receiving them. This should tell us plenty about the kind of “care” they received.

2. I’m so glad we’re getting an infant. Infants have less “issues” than toddlers.
Again. Guilty as charged. I was thrilled to learn our first daughter was only 9 months at referral. I knew the transition would be tough for her, but I assumed because she was so young, we wouldn’t see any weird long-term behaviors or signs of trauma. When we got our 2nd referral for a 2 year old, I must admit I was nervous about adopting a toddler. After 2 years of not having a family, we knew it would be rough and we expected to see some difficult behavior from her.

3. I’m so glad my child is in foster care and not an orphanage.
Ok, I never bought this one. And I never liked it. Our first daughter was in the orphanage the whole time, so of course I didn’t like this statement! But, why would we assume that because a child is in foster care that their situation is somehow better? I’ve heard plenty of stories where these fostered children showed signs of physical abuse. We think these fostered kids are being loved and well cared for. But forget that the people watching them are being paid to do so. I have seen zero evidence that fostered kids come home better adjusted than orphanage kids. (And we now have one of each.)

I want to share what we have experienced with our girls. They have totally opposite histories. My point here is that I’ve grown tired of my inaccurate assumptions about adopted kids. We are just now starting to see the full scope of our kids’ issues and I’m sorry that it took me so long to “get it.”

Fist Daughter: adopted at 11 months, orphanage the whole time
1. Malnourished on Gotcha Day, respiratory infection
2. Would raise her arms over her head, turn her head to the side, and appear to be searching for her bottle. Would make a “sucking face” as if trying to find bottle. Used as comfort mechanism.
3. Wanted to sleep with all her possessions in the crib with her
4. Excessive breath-holding spells, sometimes 3 or 4 a day. Complete inability to regulate emotions.

Second Daughter: adopted at 24 months, foster care
1. Severe bronchitis on Gotha Day, body covered in bug bites
2. Diagnosed with parasites three weeks after being home
3. Cries/whines in her sleep every night
4. Throws fits-of-rage tantrums, screaming until she vomits and refusing comfort during these spells.

What is interesting to me is how different the girls’ backgrounds are, yet how similar their issues are. I have done away with myths about orphanages vs foster care and infants vs toddlers. I think these are things we say initially because we are ignorant and because we want to feel better about our kids’ rough beginnings.
In an upcoming post I’ll go into detail about where our oldest daughter is now with these issues after being with us for nearly 5 years.

Tagging Along with Two

2008-09-25T11:45:00.000-07:00

When Riley was a baby she came everywhere with me. I took her to my business meetings, my doctor appointments, my hair-cuts, everything. She was a good-natured kid and anyway we didn't know any babysitters who could watch a kid at 1:00 on a weekday. So she just tagged along and always has.

So... we've been home for 2 months and I'm just now getting that this doesn't work so well with two. The odds of a successful outing diminish RAPIDLY. I took them both to a recent doctor appointment and it was a disaster! Sunder was throwing stuff down the stairs and thinking that was a fun place to play. A few of the doctors ended up babysitting my kids so I could get through the appointment- very embarrassing!!

Today I was a helper in my oldest daughter's classroom. No biggie, right? I've done this before when she was in pre-school. Everytime I drop Riley off at school, Sunder is in heaven playing with all the stuff in the classroom. So I see no harm in bringing her today. She'll just play and be all cute. Again disaster! Sunder suddenly has no interest in the toys. She wants to be held and carried around the classroom. If I set her down...tantrum...disruptive to the whole class. Her few minutes of groundtime, she goes right up to her sister and starts hitting her. Lovely. After 1.5 hours of this we finally have to leave.

So apparently I need to change my ways. I guess it's time to either schedule all my activities at 10:00 at night or find a babysitter :)

Farm Trip and Sibling Update

2008-09-20T04:33:00.000-07:00

Riley had school off so yesterday the girls and I went to a local farm and picked raspberries. Riley loved it. Sunder was bored out of her mind and insisted I carry her through rows and rows of raspberry patch.
After all my talk about the girls not liking each other I have to announce that the last two days have been amazing. They have been playing together and being sweet with one another! Riley was doing things I've never witnessed before. She attended to Sunder when she cried saying, "Don't worry, mom, I'll take care of her." And holding her hand and letting Sunder follow her everywhere. Of course not every day will be like this, but as long as we have a good one every now and then!

Thoughts on my Rosy Childhood and Sibling Rivalry

2008-09-16T11:49:00.000-07:00

I swear my sister and I were best friends growing up. We played together all day long. I don't recall a single fight (not counting the teen years of course). It now seems pretty ridiculous that I assumed my own daughters would feel the same way with each other. They don't. They are usually either fighting or my oldest is ignoring the little one entirely. Riley seems to want nothing with Sunder. She spends hours in her bedroom with the door closed so she can be away from her. Of course these two girls with polar opposite personalities have only been together for two months. I know their relationship will ebb and flow as all relationships do. But I've had to reconcile with the possibility that they may never like each other much. They may never share the close bond that I had with my sister.

I began to wonder, "Am I idealizing the relationship I had with my sister?" I called my sister and my mom and they both agreed. We did indeed get along fabulously. None of us remembers even an ounce of conflict. But, my mom made a good point during our conversation. She said maybe we only remember the good times because that is mostly what we had. The few bad times had been long forgotten. I hope she is right. I hope that over the years my girls will have many happy times together. Even a few would be nice! And I hope that these are the things they remember when they look back on their relationship with each other.

Life on the Other Side

2008-09-09T18:34:00.000-07:00

I spent over 2 years imaging what life would be like once this adoption was done. At the time I didn't realize just how much "The Wait" consumed me. I knew it was one of the hardest things I've ever endured. I knew I spent way too much time scouring the rumor websites and crunching numbers in a desperate attempt to make sense of what was happening to us. But now that I'm on the other side I truly see just how consuming the wait really was.

Many people told me, "Once that new child is placed in your arms the months of waiting will disappear." This was not the case for me. Once I learned my baby had waited for a family almost as long as we had I was even more disgruntled with the whole thing. I have no feelings of nostalgia for the last 2.5 years of my life. I'm a pretty easy-going person. I did all the right things to "keep living my life" during the wait. We went on a fancy vacation. We bought a new house. I worked like a dog growing my business. But still every second in the back of my mind was the question WHEN and WHY SO LONG? My oldest daughter did not have 100% of her mom because 50% of my heart was still in China searching for the final piece of our family. I feel like my oldest was a bit cheated out of her mommy during that time, but I couldn't help it.

Since being home the best thing is getting to know our new family of four. But the second best thing is all the free mental capacity I now have because I'm not dwelling on waiting anymore. My mind is now open and clear. Corin and I are having so much fun dreaming of our future again and wondering where the journey will take us next. We are again excited about life and loving the present instead of dreaming of an uncertain future. Best of all, my children are finally getting 100% of their mommy every day since my heart and mind is totally in it now.

My heart hurts for those still waiting, especially those who are beyond the 2-year mark. It is tough. Nothing I can say will ease the wait for you. But please know that someday you WILL have your life back and I can't wait to celebrate that with you, my waiting friends.

"yes, I WAS worth the wait!!"

Cling!

2008-09-02T05:01:00.000-07:00

We have officially entered the cling stage. Adoptive families typically go through this stage shortly after coming home with their new child. Sunder has explored her home and surroundings and is comfortable with them. Now she is really working on establishing trust with me. Every 5 seconds she wants "Up, please" (or as she puts it, "Uh Beeeee."). She wants to make sure I'm going to be there for her over and over again. And I think it's important to do just that. So she is getting carried all over the place. What makes this tricky is that Riley is also needing a lot of attention, loving, and holding too right now. It was a tiring long weekend with both of them being so needy. They are both going through huge adjustments right now and I'm doing my best to accomodate both of them. I certainly go to bed exhaused each night, but also feeling happy because both girls are processing these huge changes in their lives.

Just Pics

2008-08-26T13:05:00.000-07:00

Jus' Chillin'

"I finally like this guy."

First day of Kindergarten.
The look on her face sums it up.

First day of school...but not for me!

Giardia Test Results

2008-08-23T20:02:00.000-07:00

It's never good to hear from your doctor on a weekend. Test results are in for Sunder and she tested positive. Our doctor is certain I am positive also. I'm almost glad because finally I know what has been making life so miserable for me these last weeks. I learned that Sunder is a carrier of this lovely organism and that is why she hasn't shown any other symptoms. We will both pick up our medication tomorrow.

Here is a photo of our tiny unwelcome visitor. Yuckos!!

Tough Days

2008-08-21T16:25:00.000-07:00

Sorry I've not been good at updating. We've had some difficulties at our house. Our oldest daughter is having a terrible time adjusting to sisterhood. She is acting out against me and the new baby. On top of that she just started full-day Kindergarten. Her whole world has been turned upside down and she is reacting in a very hostile way. I feel like our family could be on "Super Nanny" with the way she's been behaving, and I feel like I don't even know her right now. At the end of every day I am so exhausted from trying everything I can to deal with her and help her. But it seems all I do is loose my patience with her and then I feel guilty about being a horrid mother.

On top of that I began round 3 of stomache cramps/body aches, etc. We are being tested for Giardia (me and Sunder). Lovely. I am just focusing now on getting our health back, but I feel like someone took a rusty rake and scraped my insides out with it. Looking forward to brighter days when I can actually enjoy both kiddos...

One Month

2008-08-15T11:23:00.001-07:00

One month ago we met a scared tantrum-throwing little girl. She was our new daughter. She was super clingy with me and wanted nothing to do with daddy.

What a difference one month makes. Now that we are back home, readjusted to the Denver time and getting on with normal life, we are finally able to see this beautiful child and get to know her more everyday. I now see her as inquisitive and easy-going. She is funny and always thinking and making new connections in her world. The tantrums are mostly gone now that we are communicating better. She still throws fits when she doesn't get her way. What 2 year old doesn't?

She is a great sleeper and a great eater. She loves bathtime and loves brushing her teeth. Her comfort item is a towel and she is occasionally up to mischief. Like the time she rinsed out her toothbrush in the toilet, or the time she decided to throw her scrambled eggs all over the house. She harasses her sister to no end, and then turns around and gives her a big hug as if to say, "Don't take it personally. I'm just doing my job." She lights up when daddy comes home and rushes to hug him!

I'm finishing my first week alone with the 2 kids as Corin went back to work. Overall it went very well. The hardest part has been Riley. She is having a tough time having to share me with another little person. (how come I was never this popular in High School?) She is really acting out lately. She starts full-day Kindergarten next week and I think it's just what she needs. A little space and something to call her own.

Here are a few more picture from Family Day, one month ago!

Fuzzy Warm Things

2008-08-10T04:23:00.000-07:00

When you adopt a child it's always interesting to uncover what they already do and don't know. We got a kick out of discovering Sunder knows the use for nail clippers, hacky sacks, and mommy's bras! But when we were on the flight home I wanted her to stay warm so I pulled out some thick socks and put them on her feet. I could tell by her response that she had never worn socks before. Imagine that! She was awe-struck with these fuzzy warm things on her feet. She kept stroking them then looking up at me with a look of "Wow! These things are cool!" During the night on the plane she'd occasionally reach down and make sure they were still there. It was terribly cute.

Here are a few pics from the girls' time at the mall playarea this week.

It's Finally Happening!!

2008-08-06T16:33:00.000-07:00

Sunder has been with us for three weeks. For three weeks my poor husband has endured her rejections. For three weeks he patiently held out his arms to her and was refused over and over again. But today for the very first time, he held out his arms to her and SHE WENT TO HIM!!! Not only that, but she seems to like him a little bit. This is huge and we are all so happy that they are finally connecting. Soon enough she will realize that daddy is the fun one :)

I have not fared well. Since returning I have been sick and so dang tired I can't even think straight. We've been home one week today and still can't get my feet underneath me. I have lost 10 pounds, which is not a good thing in my case. I am very weak and am trying to eat although nothing sounds good.

Sunder is doing so amazing. She is so comfortable with us, our extended family and our house. She is sleeping and eating great. She wakes up happy and full of chatter. She is using the sign language we've taught her. As a result our communication is getting SO much better and the tantrums have decreased dramatically. She likes order which makes me very happy, since I've been outnumbered in my household until now :) Now we have 2 orderly types and two messy ones. Everything is in good balance :)

Still working on the time change adjustment. Last night was our best yet. The kids went down at 7:30 and woke up and 5:30. We just gotta shift that a few more hours and we'll be golden!

Night or Day?

2008-08-01T19:40:00.000-07:00

I forgot how hard it is to return from the other side of the world after 16 days. We have no clue if it's night or day. At any given moment, at least one person in our household is either sleeping or wishing they were! Our most likely time to be wide awake is from 4am to 10am. Least likely time to be awake... the entire afternoon.

I walk around the house in a groggy stupor. The kids are sleeping in the afternoon. I spend three hours wondering if I should wake them or let them sleep. It seems cruel to wake them when their bodies so desperately need the rest. But if they keep sleeping til 4 pm, we'll never get back on track. What to do? My head is too foggy to make rational decisions. Well, it turns out I don't have to decide. They are finally awake and... it's dinner time.

I find that we are very productive in the morning. We make a pancake breakfast, go for a morning stroll, complete the banking and grocery shopping. All done before 9am! I even went to exercise class today. Anything to create the illusion of having my life back. I remember last time it took us 10 days to adjust to the time change and get over jet-lag. We are on day three- ugh!

Here's some recent pics.On the plane ride home. Sleeping like a baby!

At the airport, waiting to be declared at US Citizen.

Our first family outing to the grocery store. I was nervous to go with two kids. Yeah, I know all of you with more than two are thinking, "What a lightweight." Hey, luckily my husband was with me. The girls loved the dual steering wheel cart, although it has the turn radius of a semi.

Home Sweet Home

2008-07-30T21:31:00.000-07:00

We made it! How sweet to walk the streets of Park Hill and smell fresh cut grass and see a blue sky, eat sandwiches with fresh veggies and drinks full of wonderful ice!

We are THRILLED to be home! The ride home went so well. Sunder and Riley were both great and slept most the flight. We had an 8 hour layover in LA, so we got a hotel room to just relax and take showers. We went to the restaurant downstairs and ate carrot cake, hamburgers and fries. Everything tasted so wonderful. The girls slept more in the room.

By the time we flew into Denver from LA, Sunder was completely shut down. She was all limp, lethargic and had just had enough. BUT... the moment we walked into our house, her face lit up, she got down and started running around the house. I swear she knew this was her home. She proceeded to give Corin a huge hug, then gave one to me as well, smiling radiantly the whole time, as if to say, "We are home and this is my home."

My plan was to stay awake until 4pm before crashing out. But at 1:30, my speech was slurring and I couldn't see straight. I told Corin, "Just a short nap." My my gosh, my BED FELT SO GOOD. I don't even remember falling asleep! I woke up 5 hours later, ooopsy!

We strolled the girls to the park. Then had a late dinner. Sunder loves the bath! She had a nice long one. We weren't sure what to expect for sleep time. but we just put both girls down for the night. She screamed her head off. I went in a few minutes later to comfort her and about 2 minutes after that... silence. We'll see how the rest of the night goes!

Sorry, no pictures yet. Everything is in a shambles and the jet lag is tremendous right now. I have many more stories to share, so I will be posting here a lot the next few weeks I'm sure.

Farewell, China

2008-07-28T22:47:00.000-07:00

We are just minutes before checking out of the hotel. We still have a long afternoon ahead. We have a long ride to the US Consulate where we take the oath. This is the final step of this adoption here in China. But are we done? NO! When we get back home guess what? MORE PAPERWORK!

We are thrilled to be heading out today and can't wait to get back to Denver. We will be home in the morning on Wednesday. We look forward to reconnecting with each of you.

We are so thankful for everyone's thoughts, prayers, messages, and support during our journey. We are blessed to have such wonderful people in our lives and we love you! See you in The States!

Poolside

2008-07-27T22:57:00.001-07:00

Sister Love
Move Over, Gene Kelly!!

We've enjoyed the pool these last few hot days. Yesterday was Sunder's first trip to the pool. She was so darn cute in her little swim suit, clutching her towl and marching off to the pool!
At first she was leary of the water, but once she got used to it she loved it. She laughed and splashed and had a great time.

We leave for the States tomorrow night! I can't believe this chapter is almost over after so long. We are so ready to get back home and reassimilated as a family of four. There is much work to do. We need to learn how to better handle the tantrums. We also need to learn some techniques to help this little one bond with daddy, which just isn't happening. It is hard to realize that they aren't bonding, but we will be able to get some good professional advice about this at home and we realize it may take a long long time.

We feel so blessed to have this little girl in our family. Her personality is so fun and when I see her and Riley playing and laughing together, it fills my heart with joy.

We will try to send one more post before we leave. Corin just brought Sunder into me because she needs mommy, so I gotta go for now!

Long Days

2008-07-25T18:32:00.000-07:00

We are in the final stages of our time here. All we are doing now is waiting. Waiting on Sunder's visa and passport, and our consulate appointment. Time is moving very slowly now. The other night even Riley asked "Is this still the same day?" and "How come days and nights in China are longer than in Denver?" Ha Ha!(Remember the movie Groundhog Day? That's what we're feeling now)

The last days have been rough. Both kids have had multiple meltdowns. Two days ago I made the mistake of having a drink with ice in it. Three hours later and thru the night I was terribly sick. I had no urge for food all yesterday and today I am finally nibbling again. Yesterday Corin got fever/chills and body aches and slept most the day. Don't we sound like a fun bunch? Luckily, my parents have stayed healthy.

The weather has turned unruly hot and it's near impossible to be out during the day. The streets are vacant and it looks something like a ghost-town during the daylight hours. So that leaves us confined to the hotel and we are going a bit stir-crazy.

Last night I went to Lucy's Restraunt alone with both kids and it went well :) We are looking forward to coming home now. We have planned a celebration when we get to LA. We will have glasses filled with iced beverages and fresh veggie salads and fritos and a real hamburgers...and singing in the shower!

Orphanage Visit

2008-07-23T18:15:00.000-07:00

with main nanny.

happy baby (pre-car sickness)

We debated long and hard about brining Sunder back to the orphanage where she spent a big chunk of her life. We finally decided to go as we felt it was important to see as much of her history as possible.

When we were about 5 minutes from the orphange, Sunder became car sick. Of course we didn't bring a change of clothes for her and I was soaked with baby vomit! We stripped her down to her onsie and loaded her up in he baby carrier. I can't imagine what the orphange director must have thought of us as we approached him with wet pants, and a baby in her underwear!

The facility is very large. Our first daughter's orphanage only had 50 babies. This one has 700 children on site and another 700 in foster care. 90% of the children are special needs. The children who are healthy are quickly adopted out domestically.

We got to meet Sunder's main caretaker and we got to see where she slept those many nights before we met her. She was very subdued during the visit. I don't know if it's because she wasn't feeling well, or what, we'll never know. The nanny's were all touching Riley's face and hair and exclaiming, "Jie Jie!" (big sister). Riley was a bit taken back by it but she handeled it well.

I am glad we decided to go, but I was glad when it was over and we returned to the hotel and Sunder was back to herself once we got back. On the ride back, Riley said, "Sunder is the cutest baby. Don't you think?"

I am feeling much better now. And the rest of our party has stayed healthy. Sunder's cough is much better.

Today we will visit the Pearl Market.

She Comes to Life!

2008-07-21T17:31:00.000-07:00

The last 2 days have been amazing. We are really seeing this little girls personality, and boy, does she have one! Kyla, you were right! She is very mischievious, silly and little bit naughty. She is such a ham. She makes funny faces and likes to mimic and play games.

Yesterday, she and I were leaving the hotel room and she looked at Riley and said, "Bye bye." And blew her a kiss. She is interacting with Riley more and I'm afraid Riley will need to toughen up a bit. Sunder shows that she wants to play by hitting her sister. (we'll need to work on being gentle!) Later that day, she touched my face (not gently) and said "Mommy." That was the best! She also understands the words "toilet" and "flush". I don't think I mentioned that she is potty trained!!! We Americans have something to learn from the Chinese about potty training. I can't even imagine how they do it since she is barely 2 years old.

She is still skittish with Corin but she will go to him when she has no other options. Last night I took some much needed mommy/daughter time with Riley. Sunder had daddy time and she did fine. She still perferrs me, but she isn't freaking out with him as much, which is soooo great.

She still throws multiple tantrums each day. But we are learning how to handle them. She does NOT want to be comforted when she's upset. If you try to stroke her back, or talk to her she gets even more livid. But if you let her be, she will calm down much quicker. So the tantrums continue but the duration is much shorter now!

I am feeling very weak today. My immune system is working overtime, so I'm trying to take it easy. My back muscles are totally strained from these beds and from holding a two-year old all the time. Luckily we bought a stroller for her yesterday and she loves it, so that is very liberating for us!

We have an outing to the temple and a family museum today. I am looking forward to getting away from the hotel for a while.

"with Papa's hat"

Small Victories

2008-07-19T18:15:00.001-07:00

Today is my birthday and the last 24 hours have seen some small victories with our new little one. I won't sugarcoat it- this has been tough. She throws the most holy moly tantrums, mulitple times a day. But here's what's happened in the last 24 hours:

- We got her bathed! Yippee! She screamed the whole time but at the end we had a fairly clean baby!

- She will allow her shoes to be removed at night. Again, a big step for her and us.

- She let Corin hold her in snuggly pack!! She threw intermitent fits, but she seemed to finally accept it and I think she liked being in the pack a lot.

- Later that day, Corin walked into the room and she didn't freak out- YEAH!

- We took her to the doctor because she has a raspy cough and she has bronchitis. The doctor prescribed an interesting concotion of things for her and she has had one of two nebulizer treatments. Of course, she hates and the medicines and nebulizers, so more tanturms are the result, but we are happy to be working towards getting her healthy. (She has the second nebulizer today).

- She let Corin feed her too. I think she is realizing that he is not going away :)

- I got a 2 hour nap yesterday. That was awesome!!

We went to the Chinese version of Walmart yesterday and got loaded up with supplies. That was fun. We went to the play area and I got to see a bit of Sunder's personality come out there, so that was special.

sleepy girl.

bonding with daddy.

Then There Were Four

2008-07-18T02:34:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the delayed post. I must confess I feel annoyed when people don't update their site soon after receiving their child, and here I am doing the very same thing! The last two days have been so emotionally draining. I spent my last ounce of energy taking a shower last night before falling into bed.

Anyway, we have her! She came to me easily and seemed pretty fascinated with us and everything going on around her. She didn't cry and was in love with the Cheerios we fed her. I was actually thinking, "Wow, this is easy." Of course this phase only lasted about 20 minutes. Something happend to upset her, I don't even know what it was, but she proceeded to full out tantrum. Laying on the floor with her little limbs thrashing everywhere. She would not let us comfort her. So we just sat beside her and tried to calm her with our voices. She eventually calmed a little bit, but had an even worse meltdown on the busride back to the hotel. Her little back was arching and I couldn't even hold her down.

She eventually calmed down and seemed happy to let me hold her. She got agitated when we tried to take her shoes or clothes off, so she ended up falling asleep in her original clothes, shoes and all!

We are near the end of the second day. She will have nothing to do with Corin. We know all these behaviors are quite normal for adopted children, so we were prepared. Still, nothing prepares you for the mental fatigue.

Riley is doing very well. Yesterday she said, "I will need to stay up all night in case there is an emergency with Sunder." Then this morning she said, "I like having a sister." She has had her share of meltdowns since she's not getting near as much mommy time as she's used to but she has been a trooper.

Having my parents here has been a godsend. They have been so helpful running errands, bringing in food, taking care of Riley. I am sooo glad they are here with us.

We appreciate all your thoughts and prayers. We are doing well. The first 4 days are always the hardest. If I had not been through this before I won't believe that this phase will ever end. But I know that it will.

We all slept great last night and I can't wait to do it again tonight :) OK, here's what you really want, the pictures!

On our way to meet our new little one.

After 2.5 years we meet at last.

"I miss my foster family."

With one of the caretakers.

We Made It

2008-07-15T20:16:00.000-07:00

hanging out in the LA airport

We arrived in Guangzhou in the wee hours of the morning yesterday. We'd like to send a very special CHINA HELLO to Grandpa S. who will soon have great-grandchild #16! We Love you!

Our flight from Denver to LA was a comic disaster. We got stuck in a traffic jam, then no one at the United ticket counter seemed to know what to do with our paper tickets. By the time we got to the gate, the plane was half borded already and we weren't able to all sit together. Luckily once we got to LA everything was smooth sailing.

Riley was awareded a new nickname, "Taz", as in Tasmanian Devil. Remember that cartoon? The more tired Riley gets, the more hyper she gets. So when she was still awake at 1:00AM Denver time, Taz was a suitable name. My goodness, she was out of control! Luckily once we got on the plane she crashed out and we all slept for 7 or 8 hours. The flight was easy and seemed to fly by (no pun intended).

We spent yesterday roaming the streets of Shamain Island and the beautiful White Swan Hotel. We met up with a fellow-adopting friend for dinner, and we totally exhausted by 9:00pm.

We are enjoying ourselves and the heat is not as bad as we expected. It is super humid, but not overly hot.

We meet Sunder in 27 hours!!

See You on the Other Side

2008-07-13T11:59:00.001-07:00

Guangzhou or bust

Waiting 2.5 years.
Leaving now.
Speechless.

I'm not Superstitious (well maybe a little)

2008-07-12T06:13:00.000-07:00

Everyone in the China adoption community is familiar with the idea of the "RED THREAD". For those of you not familiar with it, the Red Thread is a Chinese idea that:

"An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstance.The thread may stretch or tangle, but will never break."

so this idea is very popular with adoptive families.

Anyway, yesterday I was taking the girls' carseats to our friends house who is going to be picking us up from the airport when we return from China. On the way, Riley announced, "Hey mom, I found something on Sunder's carseat." Lo and behold is was a long Red Thread, literally! It gave me a little shiver for sure!

Our travelmates (aka My Parents) are arriving today and we leave TOMORROW. Wooo Hooo! I still feel totally calm for some reason. Typically I get nervous about even the stupidest thing, but for some reason I feel peaceful for now.

Riley is very excited. All yesterday she kept saying, "I am so excited for tomorrow and REALLY excited for the day after that!" Many have asked if Riley is coming with us. Yes, she is. Riley is a great traveler. In fact, I expect her to do better on the flight than me. I asked her if she is excited about the 16 hour flight and she said YES! We'll see if she's still saying that in the 9th hour or so.

Defying Time

2008-07-10T05:45:00.000-07:00

My dad and I have this ongoing conversation about time theory. Is time travel possible? Does time really pass faster as you get older? Can time be defied? Well friends, I finally have the answer.

If you want to defy time, take a plane from China back to Los Angeles. You will arrived 2 hours before you ever left! I'm glad we'll have 16 hours on the plane ride over to figure that one out.

Have I mentioned that one week from this moment Sunder will be with us? I woke today with a feeling of calmness covering me. It's the first time I've felt calm in several months. We're at T-3 now.

Birthday Reflections

2008-07-08T18:41:00.000-07:00

Well, today was Sunder's birthday. I am mostly beyond emotions at this point. There is a constant nervousness in my stomach and I'm working to keep my immune system up. Time is crawling now and we just want to get on with it. However, there is still much to do- buying gifts for the Chinese officials, a couple runs to the bank, final laundry loads, and finishing one last project for my business.

I can't begin to understand how next year at this time will be. She'll be turning 3 and nearly a year will have passed since she joined us. We'll have spent holidays and countless experiences together. We will know her personality well by then and will finally understand in hindsight the miracle of how/why things worked out the way they did. The wait and nerves will be a distant memory and I'll be drowning in day-to-day life once again. Knowing me, my spirit will be stirring and I will once again be looking for life's next adventure (and, NO, it won't be another adoption :) )

Happy Birthday Qiao Yang/Sunder!

2008-07-08T06:15:00.001-07:00

Hello! I'm glad to help out if you need it. I'm so happy for you and your family!

Here's a special Happy Birthday message for Sunder:

祝你生日快乐！
Happy Birthday to You!

No Longer a Baby

2008-07-07T12:50:00.000-07:00

Our baby turns two today. Of course it's bittersweet not being able to celebrate this special day with her. On the other hand, we'll be with her in 8 days, and that's pretty great! Happy Birthday, Little One. We're coming!

In other news, our airline tickets came. There is even a ticket for Qiao Yang, it's so fun to see that :)
The mind is a very strange thing. Sometimes I think about this journey we're about to embark on and I feel confident. Other times I feel full of butterflies. All I know is that both Corin and I just want to be on that plane NOW. We know the trip may not be overly fun. The weather will be awful and we'll be in the same city for a long 16 days. I remember last time about half way through, we wanted to go home so badly. It can be a long 2+ weeks. But we just want to be on our way. And in 5 more days, we will be.

I have added my dear friend, Hilarie, as an author on this blog. She will be our emergency poster in case we aren't able to post from China for whatever reason. Welcome, Hilarie!

Last Full Weekend in America

2008-07-06T16:30:00.000-07:00

We had a wonderful 4th of July. We spent the day with friends. The kids ran through fountains, played in jumpy castles, and watched fireworks. The rest of our long weekend was spent running errands for the trip. I don't think I've ever done so many errands! But we are now totally ready to go.

One week from now we'll be on our first plane. I figured with layovers and flight times, we will be traveling for 27 hours straight.

The Final Countdown

2008-07-03T16:17:00.000-07:00

T-minus 10 and counting. Airline tickets are booked. Hotel is booked. Ride to airport is booked (still working on the ride home). House-watcher is booked. It's really happening. It's quite bizarre to wait so long for something and finally realize it's just around the corner. I love entertaining these weird thoughts like, "One month from now we'll have just gotten back!" or "One week from now we'll be leaving in 3 days!" The preparations are coming along great.

Bedroom is mostly ready. Still need something for the bare walls though.

Packing is well underway

I also want to mention that I am a cleaning mad-woman. It is one of the greatest side effects of nesting. Scrub-brush in hand... I cannot be stopped. Too bad I'll be on the other side of the planet, and not able to actually enjoy the clean house. I know once we return it will last about 8 seconds.

Travel Dates are Set!

2008-07-01T11:36:00.000-07:00

We received news of our consulate appointment today, which is the last piece we were waiting for to determine our final travel dates. We leave in 12 days! We will meet Sunder on the 17th. And both Corin and I will spend our birthdays in China this year- how cool is that?!

I am nearly done packing already. (yes, I'm that weird). Tonight we will put together the crib and hang curtains, then her room is done. We are READY READY READY. Bring on the long flight!

T.A.-duh!

2008-06-27T13:36:00.000-07:00

Our Travel Approval arrived today. We are nearly certain that we'll leave on the 10th of July. We are now waiting for our Consulate Appointment. Always something huh? But once we get that we will be told our travel dates. Then I have to scurry around to get our flights booked. The next 2 weeks will be a whilrwind. I'm feeling quite feel peaceful and serene about everything right now. Ha! We'll see how long that lasts!

Finding Ad

2008-06-25T20:42:00.001-07:00

We finally received Sunder's Finding Ad today from Brian at Research China. This was a breath of fresh air since we are still waiting for TA after 4 weeks. This picture was probably taken at around 9 months old. This will be the oldest piece of information we will ever have of her, so it is so important to us. It is weird how deep our feelings are for the little girl in these pictures, and yet we know absolutely nothing of what she is really like or what kind of personality she has. It's a strange feeling.

Fingers are still crossed to receive TA this week. Otherwise, our departure will be pushed back a week to July 17th. Of course we are still thrilled to be traveling in July, as we initially though it would be autumn. So we really can't complain. (but I'm going to anyway)

Finishing the Marathon (hopefully)

2008-06-19T08:26:00.000-07:00

This adoption has been like running a marathon. I know we are close to the end, but we can't quite see the finish line. I am weary. Waiting for travel approval has been so difficult. So close and yet so far. I predict TA will come next week and that we'll be heading to China around July 10th. But in the meantime, I continue trucking along.

Luckily, we escaped to the mountains for 4 days, just the 2 of us. It was heaven.

Our house is nearly reassembled after the carpet install. Sunder's room is almost done. It just needs curtains, and the crib is coming next week. We were so excited to get an update on her last week, but so disappointed when all it contained was new measurements, no pictures. When we finally meet this little one, she will be 10 months older than the only photos we have of her. I know it sounds petty, but at this point you grasp on to any little thing you can.

I am trying to stay busy and keep the idle brain occupied. Luckily, I have two work projects to complete before we go to China, so that will keep me productive.
Pics are from Our Escape to the Mountains

Shift in Mentality

2008-06-10T05:40:00.000-07:00

We've had our referral for a month now. It's been funny to see the mental stages we have gone through. The first 2 weeks was total La-La Land. Every 5 seconds I would think, " We have our referral!!!" I could not thing about anything else. In week 3 my brain started to settle. The general thought was, " Ok, this is really happening now." In week 4 it was was, "Yikes! I have 20 bizillion things to get done in the next few weeks."

Yesterday we had new carpet installed in our house. My office is moving to the basement storage room! My former office will now be the baby's room. As for storage, well, we no longer have any. Not sure how that will work out yet :) I am no longer euphoric about our referral. The house is almost ready and she just turned 23 months over the weekend. I am really ready to just go get her at this point. Hoping for travel approval in the next 2 weeks.

To China with Love

2008-06-06T05:28:00.000-07:00

Last week we sent a care package to Qiao Yang. She should receive it next week sometime. Riley and I had a blast picking out the items. My favorite is the telephone. Her paperwork said her favorite toy is a telephone. On this one, you can record a little message. So if she pushes the right button, she will hear Riley and me saying , "Nihao, Yang Yang." Hopefully it doesn't frighten her too much:)

In other news, I heard from Brian Stuy at Research China. He was able to locate Qiao Yang's finding ad. The finding ad is a photo of the baby published in the China-local newspaper. It is the attempt to locate the birthparents. Most importantly, the photo is several months earlier that the referral photos we currently have. This ad is likely the earliest documentation we will ever have of our daughter. I cannot wait for it to arrive. When we were in China last time, they gave us a copy of the finding ad, but it was just a description. There was no photo. So I know this will be very precious to us.

More Paperwork More Waiting

2008-06-04T06:57:00.000-07:00

Wanted to give y'all a quick update on where we're at. We finished the next wave of paperwork so now we're back to waiting. We are now waiting for our visas to come in and our Travel Approval (TA). There is a group who got their Letter of Acceptance 10 days before us. Some people are speculating that China will combine our group with their group. If that happens, we could be going to China in late June. Gasp! Otherwise, I think it will be mid-July.

This weekend we are clearing out portions of our house as we are getting new carpet on Monday. Also, there is the small challenge that we didn't expect to travel until late fall, so we don't even have the baby's room started yet and... we certainly don't have all the money pulled together yet. Hmmmm, should be an interesting couple of weeks.

Flyin'High

2008-05-29T11:40:00.001-07:00

(pic from Memorial Day Weekend)

We received our Letter of Acceptance today, yippee! It's just a matter of weeks til we're on that plane.

EEK! There's a Baby in my Inbox!

2008-05-27T05:17:00.000-07:00

We waited 2.5 years for referral day. In the adoption world, it is THE day you wait for and dream about for so many months, the day you finally get to see your baby's face for the very first time.

I spent a lot of time day dreaming about this day. Where would I be? What would I be doing when that phone call finally came? I was so prepared for this day, yet somehow it caught me completely off guard! I'd imagined every possible scenario... except the one where I'm in the middle of the grocery store and my phone doesn't get a clear signal. But, alas! That is exactly what happened.

I am just entering the pasta aisle when my phone rings. I don't recognize the number. I answer, but the signal is terrible. I hang up. A few minutes later Ring Ring. I let it go to voicemail. It's probably one of my clients. I'll call her when I get home. A while later I'm checking out. Ring Ring. Now I know I'm not that popular, who keeps calling? You'd think the thought would have crossed my mind by now, "Maybe it's my agency." Nope, not a thought.

I finally get the groceries and my child loaded into the car. I causually check my message. Holy Moly, it's my agency. I am shaking and my breathing gets restricted. Is this THE call? Then another thought pops into my head. They probably just have a question about our paperwork. I stare at my phone for a good 30 seconds, not remembering how to call back. Finally I get our agency on the line and yes, they have a baby for us.

Being the Type-A that I am, I have a list of questions all typed out and tucked in my purse for this very occasion. Do I think to use it? Nope. I find the first scrap of paper I see and I don't even know what this says, really. My handwriting is so lovely, isn't it?

At this point there is a baby in my inbox... and I'm not home. In fact I still have errands to run. This is not how this is supossed to happen.

I still have to finish errands, get the melting groceries put away, and set up a movie for my daughter so I can think for a minute. Then there is the small problem that my husband gets stuck in a traffic jam as he is rushing home to see our new baby. Finally 2 hours later we are ready to open that very special email.

AT LONG LAST...HERE SHE IS!!!

2008-05-22T10:03:00.000-07:00

We are beyond overjoyed to finally announce the referral of our new daughter and Riley's little sister!! We'd like to introduce you to...

Sunder Qiao Yang
Chinese Name: Qiao (clever) Yang (vast, ocean)
Born on July 8, 2006 (22 months)
Guangzhou, Guangdong Province, China

I got "the call" on Monday, May 12th, the day after Mother's Day. (We were told to not share our news until getting the official ok from China, which we got today!) But it was so hard to keep quiet. Wheewww, I'm glad that's over. Will post more later but for now, I'm off to the mountain-top so I can yell to the world. Thank you so much for sharing our joy!!

The Dusty Dossier

2008-05-21T17:22:00.000-07:00

It was over two years ago that our mountain of paperwork arrived in China. I presume China will be ready to pull our paperwork soon. This has me concerned. I fear that our paperwork may be so covered in dust and cobwebs that they won't be able to find it. Even worse, it may have disintegrated entirely. I sure hope they have a dust-buster.

Mother's Day Tale

2008-05-15T10:00:00.000-07:00

I will never forget my first Mother's Day. It was an unofficial Mother's Day. It was May of 2003. Our paperwork arrived in China three months prior. We decided to have a symbolic celebration by going to an authentic Chinese Restaurant. It was one of those places where there was no English on the menu. Large tanks of live seafood occupied the space next to our table.

As we were eating, the restaurant staff began coming around to the tables, handing out pink carnations to all the mothers. We did not have our baby yet. But, when they came to our table they gave me a pink carnation. How did they know I was a mother-to-be? I will never forget that pink carnation and how special it was to me that year.

Later that year, the promise of that pink carnation came to fruition. Fast-forward to 2008 on Mother's Day. We celebrated with one beautiful child... and another new pink Carnation for the little one we are still waiting for.

Mother's Day Princess

"When?" You ask.

2008-05-04T05:44:00.000-07:00

This is the question everyone's asking us. So, here is my best thoroughly analyzed educated guess.

The earliest: The soonest I'd expect to hear something is in two weeks. China usually sends out new referrals once a month in the "traditional" program. I guess it's possible they may start doing this for the Waiting Child progam too. If they do, we can expect the next group of children to be available for referrals in mid-May.

The latest: China never does things on our timetable! I think they will let the childrens' files accumulate until they have enough to send a large group of 100+ like last time. Under the new system, it would be dumb for them to send a small group. I believe they accumulated files for about three months for this last group. Therefore, I think we could hear something in mid-July.

Our best guess: Corin thinks it will be this month. I think it will be July. Who will the lucky winner be? I actually hope my husband wins this one :)

sidenote: here's a shot of my two loves from this weekend.

Victory over the Waiting Game

2008-04-30T06:21:00.000-07:00

I recently lost 2 years of my life. Yes, it's true.

For 24 months my life was in lockdown as we waited for our second child. I couldn't plan that vacation because surely we would be in China by then. We couldn't purchase that property because surely we'll need the funds for our China trip, which is surely just around the corner. And why would I focus on growing my business? With another baby looming in the future, that would be ludicrous. So for 2 years I wittled away at nothing in particular.

Little by little I came out from the cover of denial. Our baby wasn't coming. We drained our adoption fund and went on our dream vacation. Six months later we bought another house. But, still I was living tentatively, never quite present. Finally after two years of this I decided it was time to start living again. And I did it. I've been living for six months now. How did I do it?

There were a few life goals I didn't even want to touch until after our family was complete. They were too big. I wouldn't have enough time to make such changes in my life before our child arrived. WRONG. I decided to take up the biggest, hardest, most impossible goal I could dream up and to go for it. The goal consumes me and time is flying by. I'm not just trying to stay busy so time will pass quickly. I am actually doing something to improve my life and making great strides.

My outlook on this adoption totally changed. I had to decide to START LIVING again, and I had to decide what that meant for me. I only wish it didn't take me so long to figure it out.

Settling

2008-04-26T06:12:00.000-07:00

The excitement from the last two weeks is settling now. This week I was actually able to focus on work without my mind wondering every 5 seconds! Now all we can do is get back to live-as-normal and wait, which we've become quite good at. Our phonelist of medical advisors is ready. My list of referral questions is ready, laying blank on my desk just waiting to be filled with my shaky handwriting. We have no clue when our agency will receive the next group of children. It could be in 2 weeks. It could be 4 months. Luckily we are crazy busy and honestly, after the recent flurry of referrals, it's nice to have my brain back!

It's Official - We're Next!!

2008-04-21T14:15:00.000-07:00

We got word from our agency today. We are next in line to be matched! I cannot believe it! Of course this does not mean we will certainly be matched in the next group, but only that the odds are very very good.

The last two years I have felt either agitated or completely detached from this adoption. I'm finally letting myself feel all those crazy emotions of excitement, fear, joy, nervousness, and terror. I remember feeling like this last time. I've never been so happy to be an emotional basketcase in my life!

Can I go into Labor Yet?

2008-04-17T05:24:00.000-07:00

Good times at our adoption agency this week! Finally after weeks of stalemate, things are moving again in the Waiting Child Program - and they seem to be moving quite quickly under this new system.

People whose "medical checklists" were submitted one and two months before us are getting calls. Does that mean we could get a call any day now? Within the next few months? I used to analyze the numbers our agency would provide each week to guesstimate where we were in "the line". But under this new system, I don't think I can do that anymore. So to make myself feel better, I'm saying we could get the call at anytime now. After waiting 2 years, I CANNOT believe we are finally getting close. My stomache is twisting, palms are clammy, and I can't concentrate on anything. Congratulations to those who got to see their little one's face for the first time this week!!

First Glimpse of my Daughter

2008-03-28T14:33:00.000-07:00

I will never forget referral day. For those of you not used to adoption lingo, "referral day" is the day you finally find out who your new child is. After waiting months or years, you finally get to see her picture, find out where she is living, and how old she is. It is the pivotal day that you wait for and dream of for so long.

I was at my parents house when the call came from our adoption agency. My hands were shaking so much I could barely write down the precious information I was receiving about our new daughter. I had no clue where her province was. I had no clue what a good head circumference was. But I knew at long last the wait was over and I knew her picture was being emailed to me at that moment.

My parents were still on dial-up. So once I got into my email I tried to download the picture. It. took. forever. It slowly scanned down one line at a time. So, for a long time the only thing I could see of her was this spiky hair. So agonizing!

Once her eyes finally appeared, I totally lost it. There she was. My daughter. I will never forget that day.

Is a referral near?

2008-03-22T20:37:00.000-07:00

After waiting nearly 2 years, we finally believe we're getting close to getting information on our 2nd daughter from China. The purpose of this blog is to keep friends and family informed. I will also share experiences from our first adoption in 2004. I hope some will find it interesting and helpful if they are considering adoption. The adoption road is difficult. It is also the most amazing journey a person can take.