Victory over the Waiting Game

I recently lost 2 years of my life. Yes, it's true.

For 24 months my life was in lockdown as we waited for our second child. I couldn't plan that vacation because surely we would be in China by then. We couldn't purchase that property because surely we'll need the funds for our China trip, which is surely just around the corner. And why would I focus on growing my business? With another baby looming in the future, that would be ludicrous. So for 2 years I wittled away at nothing in particular.

Little by little I came out from the cover of denial. Our baby wasn't coming. We drained our adoption fund and went on our dream vacation. Six months later we bought another house. But, still I was living tentatively, never quite present. Finally after two years of this I decided it was time to start living again. And I did it. I've been living for six months now. How did I do it?

There were a few life goals I didn't even want to touch until after our family was complete. They were too big. I wouldn't have enough time to make such changes in my life before our child arrived. WRONG. I decided to take up the biggest, hardest, most impossible goal I could dream up and to go for it. The goal consumes me and time is flying by. I'm not just trying to stay busy so time will pass quickly. I am actually doing something to improve my life and making great strides.

My outlook on this adoption totally changed. I had to decide to START LIVING again, and I had to decide what that meant for me. I only wish it didn't take me so long to figure it out.

Settling

The excitement from the last two weeks is settling now. This week I was actually able to focus on work without my mind wondering every 5 seconds! Now all we can do is get back to live-as-normal and wait, which we've become quite good at. Our phonelist of medical advisors is ready. My list of referral questions is ready, laying blank on my desk just waiting to be filled with my shaky handwriting. We have no clue when our agency will receive the next group of children. It could be in 2 weeks. It could be 4 months. Luckily we are crazy busy and honestly, after the recent flurry of referrals, it's nice to have my brain back!

It's Official - We're Next!!

We got word from our agency today. We are next in line to be matched! I cannot believe it! Of course this does not mean we will certainly be matched in the next group, but only that the odds are very very good.

The last two years I have felt either agitated or completely detached from this adoption. I'm finally letting myself feel all those crazy emotions of excitement, fear, joy, nervousness, and terror. I remember feeling like this last time. I've never been so happy to be an emotional basketcase in my life!

Can I go into Labor Yet?

Good times at our adoption agency this week! Finally after weeks of stalemate, things are moving again in the Waiting Child Program - and they seem to be moving quite quickly under this new system.

People whose "medical checklists" were submitted one and two months before us are getting calls. Does that mean we could get a call any day now? Within the next few months? I used to analyze the numbers our agency would provide each week to guesstimate where we were in "the line". But under this new system, I don't think I can do that anymore. So to make myself feel better, I'm saying we could get the call at anytime now. After waiting 2 years, I CANNOT believe we are finally getting close. My stomache is twisting, palms are clammy, and I can't concentrate on anything. Congratulations to those who got to see their little one's face for the first time this week!!