For 24 months my life was in lockdown as we waited for our second child. I couldn't plan that vacation because surely we would be in China by then. We couldn't purchase that property because surely we'll need the funds for our China trip, which is surely just around the corner. And why would I focus on growing my business? With another baby looming in the future, that would be ludicrous. So for 2 years I wittled away at nothing in particular.
Little by little I came out from the cover of denial. Our baby wasn't coming. We drained our adoption fund and went on our dream vacation. Six months later we bought another house. But, still I was living tentatively, never quite present. Finally after two years of this I decided it was time to start living again. And I did it. I've been living for six months now. How did I do it?
There were a few life goals I didn't even want to touch until after our family was complete. They were too big. I wouldn't have enough time to make such changes in my life before our child arrived. WRONG. I decided to take up the biggest, hardest, most impossible goal I could dream up and to go for it. The goal consumes me and time is flying by. I'm not just trying to stay busy so time will pass quickly. I am actually doing something to improve my life and making great strides.
My outlook on this adoption totally changed. I had to decide to START LIVING again, and I had to decide what that meant for me. I only wish it didn't take me so long to figure it out.
1 comment:
Hi Torrie - Sometimes you have to sort things out internally before you move forward from a place where you were "stuck". It sounds like you've done that. CONGRATS! And it's amazing how things will start to move forward again. :-)
Hugs,
Hilarie
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