Many people told me, "Once that new child is placed in your arms the months of waiting will disappear." This was not the case for me. Once I learned my baby had waited for a family almost as long as we had I was even more disgruntled with the whole thing. I have no feelings of nostalgia for the last 2.5 years of my life. I'm a pretty easy-going person. I did all the right things to "keep living my life" during the wait. We went on a fancy vacation. We bought a new house. I worked like a dog growing my business. But still every second in the back of my mind was the question WHEN and WHY SO LONG? My oldest daughter did not have 100% of her mom because 50% of my heart was still in China searching for the final piece of our family. I feel like my oldest was a bit cheated out of her mommy during that time, but I couldn't help it.
Since being home the best thing is getting to know our new family of four. But the second best thing is all the free mental capacity I now have because I'm not dwelling on waiting anymore. My mind is now open and clear. Corin and I are having so much fun dreaming of our future again and wondering where the journey will take us next. We are again excited about life and loving the present instead of dreaming of an uncertain future. Best of all, my children are finally getting 100% of their mommy every day since my heart and mind is totally in it now.
My heart hurts for those still waiting, especially those who are beyond the 2-year mark. It is tough. Nothing I can say will ease the wait for you. But please know that someday you WILL have your life back and I can't wait to celebrate that with you, my waiting friends.
"yes, I WAS worth the wait!!"
4 comments:
Boy can I relate to this post. I feel so liberated now that we are home. Sunder looks so happy as all of you do. I lost the link to your blog but I am going to put you on my side bar so it does not happen again. BTW how are things going re: the g-bug we are clean.
I really needed to read this post. I have horrible feelings of guilt that I cannot get our of the "China Haze." I cannot wait until we are home and I can stop worrying so much.
finally checked in. Sunder is so cute! Can't wait to meet her on Friday. Kathy
Beautifully written. I had a different experience, but I know what you're talking about. The first year of our wait was really lovely...I actually enjoyed the anticipation, and felt lucky that I was able to stay in the moment and live my life. But the last few months were rough...rougher than I really realized. It messed with my mind in really strange ways. I've never had anxiety before, and I didn't recognize it when it started. It snuck up on me, and it was dreadful and crippling. I also do not think fondly of those last few months. It took a bit for me to decompress from that period of bizarre and disconnected anxiety after we came home. But once I started to adjust, it happened very quickly. I don't want to regret. I'd rather live in the moment now, because the moment is so incredibly wonderful. It was all worth it, and it did all disappear for me once I started to recover. I don't want to look back. But yes, it's much more strange and painful and mind-altering than most of us admit. I'm glad you're talking about it openly.
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