End of an Era

Mother's Day is coming. I am reminiscing. Last year at this time I was full of agitation. Would we EVER get our referral?

It was last year, the day after Mother's Day we finally got the call. Two months later we were on that plane to China. So this Mother's Day is a whole new feeling. One of peace, joy, and excitement as we anticipate the next era for our family. Sunder has been home for 10 months and we are totally settled as a family of four. Life is moving on.

It was my intention to have this blog for our referral, trip, and a few months back home. Now that we are looking ahead I've decided this will be my last entry on this blog. It is time. Thank you for all the wonderful comments and new and old friends. Those blogs that I follow, I will continue to do so. As for me, some exciting things are in the works. Besides the girls I'm focusing on my business. Besides editing family documentaries and adoption movies, I continue pursuing my dream of making a feature-length documentary. I know it will happen when the time is right.

I will be blogging for my business now at www.ockhammedia.com. Also, if you have video and photos from your adoption trip, I invite you to visit my website for adoptive families at www.redthreadstories.com. Turn those video memories into a beautiful DVD! You can also find me on FaceBook and Twitter (under ockhammedia). Thank you for sharing this important piece of our life with us. For those still waiting... keep the faith. I will never forget the wait and the pain of it. Hold on tight and know that it will end someday.

Material Girl

When it comes to school theme days I'm a humbug. Who has time for such things? But I confess when Riley's school announced 80's day I was super excited. I actually put some thought into it and dare I say... went all out! My first thought was for Riley to dress like her mommy used to back in those days. That would require ripped jeans and a Metallica T-shirt. (Yes, I was one of those) But I had parted with those t-shirts years ago. So I opted for the Madonna look instead, which she already had stuff in her dress-up box.

While I was helping her get ready she kept saying, "I look so old-fashioned!" Great. I explained to her that it was only 20 years ago, not THAT long. She said, "Yeah, but you didn't even have cell phones then. It's soooo old fashioned." Who was I trying to convince, her or me?

Baboon!

The other day Sunder dashes up to me saying, "Baboon! Baboon!"

"What? Where?" (me looking around stupidly, as if we'll see one of these creatures in our home)
This persists for a few minutes and I finally admit defeat. I have no clue what she is talking about. Finally I get enough sense to hold out my hand and say, "Show me."

Sunder happily but urgently leads me into the bathroom and points at the toilet. I stare blankly for a good 20 seconds. Baboon? Finally I get it. Bathroom! She is saying "bathroom"! Not only than, but she is telling me she needs to go. Hooray! Oh how I love baboons!!

You Just Never Know

(with our wonderful Guangxi guide in China and our new baby in 2004)

We recently found out our guide from our first adoption trip in 2004 has passed away. It was sudden. A cerebral hemorrhage. He was young. I would guess late 30's/early 40's. Things like this always make you do a double-take on your own life. So, time for a little gratitude and reflecting on all the daily blessings we get to experience in this life.

(Reunited 2 1/2 years later at our agency's reunion celebration in 2006)

In loving memory or our wonderful guide, Michael. Thank you for getting our baby medical care when she needed it those first few days and thank you for teaching us to sing the Chinese song about two tigers... I still remember the words.

Deep Discussions

Previously my daughter couldn't care less about being adopted. She had no interest in "china mom". When the opportunity presented itself I would see if she wanted to talk about it. Her answer was usually something like, "What's for dinner?" But then....she turned 6. Everything changed.

Riley has been 6 for less than 2 months. In that time a new side of her emerged. One night I came into her room to find her sobbing in her bed. "I miss my China mom." She explained. "I want to go home now. I don't belong here." Boy, I was so not prepared for this sudden turn of events. The conversation lasted a long time. "Why did she not choose me?" my daughter asked. I realized that she had been processing this in her mind for a long time. It was just now finally coming to the surface. I did my best to comfort her and tell her it's ok to feel sad. My heart was breaking too. What was previously a happy confident child, I know see a broken spirit. One who understands quite well what happened to her and can't make sense of it. How can we make sense of adoption when its foundation rests on such a tragic event?

We've had several tough conversations since then. Before age 6 Riley had zero interest in art. I could never get her to hold a crayon or paintbrush. But lately art is all she wants to do. I give her paints and put on some relaxing music. She paints pictures from China. Her China mom. Us coming to get her. She paints this over and over again. I realize she is using art as therapy and it is helping her process things. So her journey continues.

It is fascinating to see her mind at work. She seems to realize the tragedy and the beauty of her situation now. Yesterday in the car and totally out of the blue she said, "Mom, I'm glad I'm adopted."

First Weird Comment

I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later. But after being an adoptive parent for over 5 years and never having anything like this happen, I thought I was immune. But a few days ago it happened.

I was with the girls at a store. We were at the checkout counter. The lady there looked at me, then looked at the girls and asked rather bluntly, "Are they adopted or are they your daughters?" It took me a moment to register her comment. I gave her a confused look and said, "ummmm...both." The lady seemed a little embarrassed after that and we went on our merry way. Still it did catch me off guard. You never know when this sort of weirdness will suddenly spring itself upon you.

Sunder's Movie

Here are parts 1 and 2 of Sunder's adoption movie. This is what I do for a living. I absolutley love working with adoptive families to create a beautiful memento of their adoption journey. I never tire of seeing the video footage of families being united. I hope you enjoy it!

ADD update and 6 months with Sunder

I want to thank everyone for their outpouring of support for the whole ADD situation. I spoke with our family therapist who specializes in adoptive families. After her expert opinion and the knowledge of our own child we are doing what we believe is right. We are NOT having her tested. In fact I think what she is suffering from is occasional boredom in the classroom! She is currently interested in Egyptian history. I got her a few books from the library and wouldn't you know it? She will sit down with those books, totally entranced, not moving a muscle for OVER AN HOUR! Even I can't do that! This child does not have ADD, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!

Sunder has been with us for 6 months! Unbelievable. She is starting to put 2 words together and try to make conversation, which is super cute. 6 months was a landmark for her because she has now been with us longer than she was with her foster family. So I think by now she really knows we are her family forever. She still doesn't do well with kids her age. I think she feels threatened by them still after her months in the orphanage and needing to defend herself. She acts out, hits and says "NOOOO!!" to any kid her size within a 20 foot radius.

I am anxious to share with you some of Sunder's adoption movie which I finished last month. But my computer is currently undergoing an upgrade so I'm not quite able to get it posted here. But stay tuned!

The Kindergarten Establishment

I figured it would happen sooner or later. But I didn't figure it would happen this soon. But, sigh, here we are barely half way through the kindergarten year and already I am butting heads with the public school system.

It is now "strongly recommended" by her school that we go through a formal process to have Riley tested for ADD. Do you want to hear my thoughts on ADD? Do you really want to get me started on yet another made-up condition by the pharmaceutical companies to pump our kids up with their drugs? Or how I can longer purchase a night-time cough suppressant for my miserable child, but apparently I could easily get her a prescription for Ritalin?

Oh, but wait, I was told by my daughter's school, the end result doesn't have to be drugs. Well, thank goodness that makes me feel so much better. Rather I am told that if she can be "formally" diagnosed with ADD that she will receive spacial treatment, especially in regards to the CSAP tests. She can take the tests in a quiet room and not be timed. Am I mistaken, or is the purpose of the CSAPs to judge how a school in performing academically? What about the fact that my daughter will wonder why she is being treated differently and wondering what is wrong with her?

I am sure some kids really do have this condition. But I think there is a whole group of kids that are just really active and physical. Yes, my child has problems sitting still. Yes, she can be ultra-sensitive. Should she receive special treatment and a label because of it? Mind you, this is the same kindergarten class that just played BINGO and was told by the teacher that "everyone is a winner".

I am just starting to see what I am really up against and frankly, I am very concerned.

5 Years Ago...

This scrawny scared baby was placed in our arms.

Here she is today.Hard to believe it's been half a decade. It's been a great 5 years with this beautiful girl!